LMFAO at Hogwarts
by AllWeHave
Summary: It's a school full of bored teenagers with access to powerful magic, it was bound to happen someday right?
1. Chapter 1 I'm in Hogwarts Witch

LMFAO at Hogwarts

Disclaimer – Aside from a lumpy couch and a hyperactive kitten I own nothing. All characters, lyrics, etc. belong to the people who own them obviously, which is once again not me.

Chapter One – I'm in Hogwarts Witch

Theodore Nott was bored. He was really, really bored. Theo was so very bored that when he came across a spell in an obscure little spell book that would turn the Slytherin common room into a musical he simply did not have the energy to battle the temptation. The fact that Daphne and Pansy had been extra bit- witchy today did not help hold back his darker urges any longer. So with a flick, a wave and a few Latin words music sprang up all around them, to his delight Pansy started to dance, the robot if he was correct. Daphne climbed on a table and began to sing.

"When I step on the scene  
Y'all know me  
'Cause I walk with a limp  
Like a Malfoy pimp, oh real, ol' G

I'm in command

Don't misunderstand

I got a pumpkin juice and firewhiskey up in my hand

Hey, you're looking kind of cute  
In that green and silver tie, boooy  
Hey, that's what I want to do (what)  
Take off that green and silver tie, boooy."

As she sang she danced on the tables, Pansy was still busting out strange dance moves the likes of which Theo was dying to know how she learned. When she ended the verse she jumped down from the table, she and Pansy started grabbing guys to dance with, and both sang the next bit together.

"Duel all day  
Fly all night  
Let's get it brewin'  
I'm in Hogwarts witch  
Duel all day  
Fly all night  
Let's get it brewin'  
I'm in Hogwarts witch."

Then after a very interesting instrumental section Pansy was lifted into the air on Crabbe and Goyle's shoulders as she belted it out, Goyle's surprisingly rich voice emphasizing certain words.

"Everybody on smash (smash)  
Wands in the air (air)  
I'm feelin on his broom (broom)  
Like a Witch don't care (like a Witch don't care)

I've gotta a plan  
What's your Floo  
We're playing naked Quidditch in my room  
Hey, you're looking kind of cute  
In that green and silver tie, boooy  
Hey, that's what I want to do (what)  
Take off that green and silver tie, boooy"

This time the whole common room, aside from Theo who was laughing too hard, started up the chorus.

"Duel all day  
Fly all night  
Let's get it brewin'  
I'm in Hogwarts witch  
Duel all day  
Fly all night  
Let's get it brewin'  
I'm in Hogwarts witch

Get your hands up  
Put that wand up  
Get your hands up  
I'm in Hogwarts witch."

Crabbe then began to break it down, in a strange bass voice, repeating words and lines while everyone partied. Then Daphne, who was now red as a Gryffindor flag, battling the spell jumped back on her table.

"It's mornin' time and the wizards are still there  
They lying naked with some wands all in the air  
Blaise wants it bad he's got a big pureblood sneer  
But I say I'll be back gotta get some more butter beer

Hey, you're looking kind of cute  
In that green and silver tie, boooy  
Hey, that's what I want to do (what)  
Take off that green and silver tie, boooy"

They all finished up with the chorus. Theo was on the floor laughing so hard his sides were burning when the music finally stopped and Daphne began wailing for someone to get her down.


	2. Chapter 2 Potions Rock

LMFAO at Hogwarts

Chapter Two – Potions Rock Anthem

Theo was bored once again. It had been a week since he had turned his dorm room into a dance club and aside from a few calculating looks from Blaise Zabini no one seemed to suspect him at all. He figured if it worked to cure his boredom once, maybe the spell could alleviate the crushing boredom of sitting through a Potions class with the Gryffindors. Before he could really think out any possible consequences, which wasn't very Slytherin of him, he had his wand out and was whispering the spell. Just like last time music seemed to come from all around them, a different tune however.

Everyone in class began to sing as one.

"Potions rock is in the class tonight

Everybody just have a good time

And we gonna make you explode your cauldron

Everybody just have a good time

Potions rock is in the class tonight

Everybody just have a good time

And we gonna make you explode your cauldron

We just wanna see you-"

"Stir that." Professor Snape stated calmly from the front of the room, before everyone jumped out of their chairs potions forgotten and began dancing, robes flying everywhere. Harry Potter danced his way up front and began to sing while doing a strange shuffling dance.

"In class, Potions rock, lookin' for your witch?

She's on my broom. Nonstop when we in the class,

cauldron bubblin' while she's choppin' plants.

Where the butterbeer? I gots to know,

tight jeans, lightning bolt cause I'm rock 'n' roll

Pure blood, Half blood, domino, got the money, mom's a doe."

Dancing his way up the aisle Draco Malfoy was nearly purple, his hair flying everywhere- Theo could hear him thinking 'wait till I tell my father about this'. He started laughing harder as he watched Potter's Muggleborn take over the song

"Running through these wizards like Accio

I got that Muggleborn flow, Rock 'n' roll no halo

We Potions rock, yeah that's the crew that I'm reppin

Flyin to the top no lead in our zeppelin"

Granger was actually smiling, and seemed to be the only one who could perform this bouncy, Muggle dance well. Maybe she had done this before. And once again everyone joined in to sing. Most every one was huffing or holding on to tables, it seems Wizards weren't the fittest of people. Seamus Finnegan accidently knocked over his cauldron burning his eyebrows off in the process, but kept dancing.

"Potions rock is in the class tonight

Everybody just have a good time

And we gonna make you explode your cauldron

Everybody just have a good time

Potions rock is in the class tonight

Everybody just have a good time

And we gonna make you explode your cauldron

We just wanna see you-"

"Stir that," Professor Snape added again, not even looking up from his notes.

"Everyday I'm shufflin', shufflin',shufflin'," the boy-who-lived-to-dance-badly, sang out. Neville Longbottom wheezing and sweating jumped up on a stool and began to belt out.

"Step up fast and be the first witch to make me throw these galleons.

We gettin' money, don't be mad, now stop, hatin' is bad."

Then Draco nearly purple with rage climbed on a table, Theo laughed as Longbottom fell like a lump off the stool. Draco's dancing shook the table causing cauldrons to fly, and people to slip all over the place, Theo hid under his table while Draco started his verse.

"One more brew for us, another round

Please fill up my cup, don't mess around.

We just wanna see you shake it now

Now you wanna be, you're naked now."

Then Granger, who was laughing at Weasley's horrible dancing started one more time.

"Stir it up, chop it down, put your wands up to the sound.

Stir it up, chop it down, put your wands up to the sound.

Stir it up, chop it down, put your wands up to the sound,

put your wands up to the sound,

put your wands up to the sound"

After that everyone joined in, Theo even good naturedly hummed a bit from under the table.

"Stir it up, chop it down, stir it up, chop it down

Stir it up, chop it down, stir it up, chop it down

Get up, put your wands up to the sound,

put your wands up, put your wands up,

put your wands up, put your wands up"

It continued like that for a few more minutes, Theo had to admit Crabbe and Goyle had really gotten into the spirit, they were holding Weasley up on their shoulders, and still dancing, their voices really added depth to the whole affair. Blaise was glaring at him while sedately shuffling in the aisle. As the song was about to end Professor Snape once more spoke up.

"Stir that, everyday I'm Potionin'."

With those last words everyone slumped down, some into their chairs, most fell to the floor exhausted, covered in potions, Finnegan, hesitantly touching his eyebrows.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor for disrupting class."

Omake by KrazyAngelKat

Neville was sitting next to Hermione in Greenhouse Three working on an extra credit assignment when he dropped his trowel for the third time. Hermione looked at him wondering why he was clumsy like he was in Potions not acting like the Herbological genius that he normally was. She was planning on ignoring it until he got bitten by a Gnawing Geranium, a plant she had seen him handle perfectly hundreds of times before.

"Neville, what is wrong with you? You are spacing out and if you don't get it together **WE WILL FAIL**." The Bushy headed-bossy-know-it-all huffed in frustration while he bandaged his fingers

"Sorry, I just can't focus today," he mumbled, "I keep thinking about… um, Potions," he stammered, a fierce blush rising on his cheeks.

"Oh, well don't worry about that, if you simply follow the study regiment I drafted for you then you should be just fine." She told him, ignoring the glaring fact that he couldn't brew even the simplest potions to save his life.

"I, um, wasn't thinking about my grade…"he trailed off as he caught sight of her horrified expression. It clearly said 'how can anyone not be always thinking about their grades'. He then rushed through trying to avert a Hermione Granger patented lecture #4 entitled 'Grades and Why They Will Control the Rest of Your Life'.

"No I was thinking of the class we all ended up dancing," he explained.

"Oh yes that was an interesting effect, I wonder if it was caused by the fumes from one of the potions or by a spell?" She proceeded to go on at length about possible spells, outside forces and the effects of fumes from incorrect potions.

Neville sighed to himself, she may have been the best dancer he had ever seen and smoking hot when she was at it but all this noise just wasn't worth it. He pulled on a set of earmuffs while he turned to work on the next tray of plants, maybe he'd just admire her from afar- specifically the out of hearing range kind of afar.

"Do you think you could remember exactly what was in your cauldron Neville?" Fifteen minutes later when she finally turned back to him, she found him humming "Potions Rock" while wearing the fuzzy pink earmuffs even though she was sure they weren't planning on working with Mandrakes.


	3. Chapter 3 A WIzard and I Know It

LMFAO at Hogwarts

Chapter Three – Wizard and I Know It

Theo was eating dinner, feeling smug and powerful, his little spell made people do ridiculous things. It had only been two days since the Potions class incident. Of course he had been forced to pay off Blaise to keep his secret and promise to keep him out of it the next time, but even Blaise agreed there should definitely be a next time. Theo figured a hall full of students and teachers would be a great time for some entertainment, pointing his wand at the Weasley twins he cast the spell. The music seemed louder but aside from tapping their feet no one seemed to be dancing, and then a red headed twin jumped up, if they were anything like their brother their dancing alone would be good for a laugh.

"When I walk on by, witches be looking like Merlin he fly,

I pimp to the beat, walking down the street in my new Gladrag's, yeah

This is how I roll Dragon hide robes out of control

It's Fred with the ginger fro

They like Dumbledore rock in the hall."

Theo could never keep track of which twin was which, but while one was singing the other had been suggestively wiggling, a pack of Hufflepuff girls approached the twins, and ripped their robes off, thank Merlin they had on clothes underneath.

"Girl look at that body

Girl look at that body

Girl look at that body."

The Hufflepuffs sang.

"I work out,"

One twin added, flexing a scrawny arm.

"Girl look at that body

Girl look at that body

Girl look at that body."

They sang again.

"I work out"

The other twin said, striking a pose before continuing

"When I walk in the castle this is what I see

Everybody stops and staring at me

I got magic in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it

I'm a Wizard and I know it."

At that point the damned Puffs ripped off the boys' shirts, after a few brief second of seeing pale freckled arms and nearly concave chest with matching ginger sternum bushes, Theo decided he no longer wanted dinner. The 'Puffs however started fawning over both boys and with girls hanging from both arms they continued the song.

"When I'm in the Alley, Aurors just can't fight 'em off

When I'm in the castle, I'm in my robes trying to learn new spells

This is how I roll, come on ladies its time to go

We head to the pub, witches don't be nervous

No wand, no broom, and I still get service"

They were flexing their nonexistent muscles again, but thank Merlin they had stopped gyrating.

"Girl look at that body

Girl look at that body

Girl look at that body."

The Hufflepuffs started again, Theo averted his eyes refusing to do as they requested

"I work out,"

One twin said again, but Theo highly doubted they ever did.

"Girl look at that body

Girl look at that body

Girl look at that body."

Theo however wanted to keep what little dinner he had eaten so he once again refused.

"I work out"

But like a terrible broom accident Theo could look away for long.

"When I walk in the castle this is what I see

Everybody stops and staring at me

I got magic in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it

I'm a Wizard and I know it."

Theo could feel the badness coming he knew he should look away but seemed unable to turn his head as the Hufflepuffs ripped away the twins pants, revealing tight, brightly patterned underpants, that seemed a few sizes too small.

"Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah."

Oh Merlin, they were thrusting and wiggling, scrawny thighs spread, oh the jiggling humanity, it was an image Theo would never be able to remove from his mind, not in a million years. Pale boney limbs flapping wildly, while brightly colored underwear bounced, dear Merlin it bounced, Theo was going to be sick. In a fit of self preservation his brain kicked in and he threw himself under the table, bumping into Blaise who had his eyes covered.

"Never again," Blaise told him forcefully.

"Damn right," Theo agreed quickly, maybe he could get Blaise to Obliviate him later.


End file.
